MEH

Everyone's familiar with the famous story of the ugly duckling, which eventually turns into a beautiful swan. The story of my life, except there's no beautiful swan, cause this is reality. Not another feel good story parents tell their kids to boost their esteem. Optimism can really be a pain in the ass, but I genuinely miss my happy, optimistic self. Whatever happened to her? The old me would not give a hoot about what others thought. I honestly never felt that being alone was a problem. In fact, I enjoyed spending time just me, myself and I. So I'm no social butterfly, more like Miss socially awkward. Swear if there was an award for this, I'd come in first. Truth is, I loathe having to make small talk. If there's nothing in common, leave it be. Don't have to try and force a conversion out of nothing. This probably explains my pathetically small social circle. Bluntly putting, I'm pretty much a loner. What irks me is how people judge me for that. They make it seem like staying home's a crime. Maybe not everyone has plans every other day. Or some just prefer socializing virtually. Being emo is not really my thing. I don't usually fall into such holes. Even if I do, they're over like a passing cloud. But lately, it seems not to be the case. The feeling when nothing excites me anymore, everything just seems... meh. My emotions have plateaued. STONE.

This obsession of mine has got to stop. It really must. If there ever was a rehab centre for young delusional girls, my parents would, without hesitation send me to one. Not jealous, but to feel even slightly sore over someone who doesn't even know of my existence is insane. How did I let myself spiral out of control? *shrugs*
This, my source of happiness has been destroyed by my emo-ness. It has opened my eyes to reality - which doesn't seem to be all that pretty. I wanna go back to being happy and believing that life is filled with rainbows and sparkles. And that unicorns exist.
GET ME OUT OF THIS SHIT HOLE AND BACK INTO MY BUBBLE.

Maybe it's just a passing phase or maybe this is what growing up feels like.